I recently attended a bachelor party held at a seedy LA strip club. Throughout the night, I wondered: What could possibly make the act of throwing dollar bills at unhappy, naked women even less sexy? Not much.
That is, unless the women were dancing to any of the following cringe-worthy tunes:
SHE’S ONLY SEVENTEEN – WINGER
“Barely legal” and “illegal” are two very different concepts. And I bet there’s an
off-duty cop in here who could explain that better than I could.
WHO LET THE DOGS OUT? – BAHA MEN
It’s safe to assume that the young lady who strips to this song is either:
A) Not pretty, and painfully aware of that.
B) A diehard Cleveland Browns fan.
Or most likely, a combination of A + B.
SHE’S GOT THE JACK – AC/DC
AC/DC is from Australia where “the jack” is slang for gonorrhea. So maybe that lap dance isn’t such a terrific idea.
JANIE’S GOT A GUN – AEROSMITH
No thanks, Steven Tyler. We’ve already got enough implied daddy/daughter sexual abuse in here.
MY HUMPS – BLACK-EYED PEAS
This is a perfectly appropriate stripper song until Will I. Am contributes his lyrics: “I mix your milk wit’ my cocoa puff / Milky milky cocoa / Mix your milk with my cocoa puff…”
Is he likening his penis to a cocoa puff? Why would he do that??
IN-A-GADDA-DA-VIDA – IRON BUTTERFLY
I’m sure there are a few legendary dancers out there who could keep a striptease interesting for 17 minutes. But they probably don’t work here.
BRICK – BEN FOLDS FIVE
Two words not conducive to bachelor party revelry: Abortion ballad.