WORST STRIPPER SONGS EVER?

January 22, 2009 on 1:16 am | 5 Comments

I recently attended a bachelor party held at a seedy LA strip club. Throughout the night, I wondered: What could possibly make the act of throwing dollar bills at unhappy, naked women even less sexy? Not much.

That is, unless the women were dancing to any of the following cringe-worthy tunes:

SHE’S ONLY SEVENTEEN – WINGER
“Barely legal” and “illegal” are two very different concepts. And I bet there’s an
off-duty cop in here who could explain that better than I could.

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT? – BAHA MEN
It’s safe to assume that the young lady who strips to this song is either:

A) Not pretty, and painfully aware of that.
B) A diehard Cleveland Browns fan.

Or most likely, a combination of A + B.

SHE’S GOT THE JACK – AC/DC
AC/DC is from Australia where “the jack” is slang for gonorrhea. So maybe that lap dance isn’t such a terrific idea.

JANIE’S GOT A GUN – AEROSMITH
No thanks, Steven Tyler. We’ve already got enough implied daddy/daughter sexual abuse in here.

MY HUMPS – BLACK-EYED PEAS
This is a perfectly appropriate stripper song until Will I. Am contributes his lyrics: “I mix your milk wit’ my cocoa puff / Milky milky cocoa / Mix your milk with my cocoa puff…

Is he likening his penis to a cocoa puff? Why would he do that??

IN-A-GADDA-DA-VIDA – IRON BUTTERFLY
I’m sure there are a few legendary dancers out there who could keep a striptease interesting for 17 minutes. But they probably don’t work here.

BRICK – BEN FOLDS FIVE
Two words not conducive to bachelor party revelry: Abortion ballad.

5 Comments »

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  1. The Lap Dance is so much better when the stripper is Cryin!- Bloodhoung Gang

    Comment by SilentJay74 — January 22, 2009 #

  2. I’m gonna have to continue on the Aerosmith path (even though I love the group) and say “Dude Looks Like A Lady” probably wouldn’t be a good stripper song…
    -Krista

    Comment by TinkerbellKat — January 22, 2009 #

  3. Sex Type Thing – By: STP ( a song about date rape probibally isn’t the best choice in a strip club)

    Let’s Just Get Married – By: Run DMC ( duah, I mean Really?)

    I’ll Shit on you – By D12 ( some guys are into that I guess it just depends)

    Gold Digger – By Jamie Fox & Kanye ( that will make ya wanna put a wallet up quick)

    I Smell Sex and Candy – By: Marcy’s Playground ( did someone just fuck a clown)

    Stripped, Raped, and Strangled – By: Cannibal Corpse ( this is how I order my hashbrowns at the waffle house)

    Violent Pornography – By: System of a Down ( It’s a violent pornography choking chicks and sodomy the kind of shit you get on your TV)

    Comment by Abomination — March 9, 2009 #

  4. DateDaily just did an article on the 8 Best Strip Songs for women: http://datedaily.com/entertainment/music/9-best-strip-songs-for-women/

    Comment by Ann — September 1, 2009 #

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    Comment by www.seoorganics.net — May 7, 2013 #

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