Dear Mr. Colbert,
In this time of great uncertainty, I have always looked to you and your oracle-like “gut” for guidance. Without fail, “What Would Colbert Do?” is the first question on my lips each morning (since I tattooed it there after Episode #131 (Guest: Dermot Mulroney)) and it’s a mantra that keeps me strong in the face of all the uncomfortable “facts” and “scientific reason” I encounter on a daily basis.
I swore my allegiance to the Colbert Nation when you asked me to. I downloaded your Christmas album at the appointed time. I built my family on the potency of your Colbert Formula 401. I have always believed you to be the great American hero you purport to be.
And then I witnessed this monstrous act:
|The Colbert Report||Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c|
|A Rare Correction – Stephen Eats an Ewok|
And just when I thought all anti-Ewok sentiment had been extinguished from society (or was at least safely diverted toward Jar Jar Binks)!! In one horrific moment, you gleefully
re-ignited the very hatred that Billy Dee Williams and I have fought so hard against, as seen in our video below:
Mr. Colbert, I hope my song has pierced your icy heart in the same way Luke’s loyalty pierced that of his father. I expect you to offer a sincere and immediate apology to those furry, peace-loving Endor Moon residents. Your refusal may force me to reconsider my Colbert Nation citizenship and direct my loyalties elsewhere.
I hear the Danish are a very Ewok-tolerant people.
Andrew “Yub-Nub” Zilch